Back on the horse.


Ugh. The very thought of it makes me feel ill.

Commence Operation Sweet Pea (otherwise known as preconception plan)

It has only been 6 weeks since finding out our baby’s heart stopped and one month since the ERPC. And although I may never get over the last loss (or the others before it) I feel like I need some direction here. Am I ready for this? Probably not. But I need to feel like I’m doing something rather than waiting, healing, grieving.

I don’t really feel like I’ve given myself a proper chance at recovering 100% but I’m hoping this can carry on concurrently. I know what’s got me motivated. It’s that damn ticking clock again. Too loud to ignore, I’ll allow myself to gently ramp it up again, trying to be good to myself in the process.

So today marks Day One of gearing myself up mentally and physically for yet another go at this.

Commence once again the charting, the supplements, the progesterone, the fertility diet, the visualisation tapes, the self abdominal massage, the yoga, the protein shakes, the OPKs, and I guess most importantly, the next round of further investigations. New doctors. New tests.

The next two months will be preparing for hopefully another Opportunity Sweet Pea while we hold off TTC until results of more tests come back. Ditched the old consultants, it’s time for a new perspective. More bloods for anti thyroid antibodies, biopsy for NK cells and the whole gamut of NK cell blood testing. Press here to empty bank account.

But it’s good. It’s a step in the right direction. If I say it out loud I’ll have to stick with it. Right? Ugh.

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