1:100

A Triploid baby. Chromosomally abnormal. A baby with an extra set of chromosomes.
1% chance of it ever occuring.
1% chance of it happening again.
100% fatal.

I will try not to dwell on statistics.

These are the results of the karyotyping performed on the tissue collected from my ERPC 4 weeks ago. The doctors say it’s a positive sign. I still don’t get why. I’m told it was a totally random occurrence, that it had nothing to do with our age or the health of our egg/sperm. It’s simply a fluke. A horribly painful fluke. They say that next time things might just work out. That maybe the blood thinning really did work this time, and had there been a healthy fetus, things might have been ok. They’ve given us the all clear to get started again. Just like that. Encouragement. Why don’t I feel encouraged?

How should I feel about this? I really have no idea. I feel a bit numb. I feel a bit relieved. I feel a bit anxious. I feel a bit like I’ve let this baby down even though I could never have controlled this. I was never even expecting to even be told the results because 50% of the time they can’t even test it. I was expecting that we’d never know the reason why. I was too stunned to even ask the gender.

There’s a bit of relief learning why this loss happened but it doesn’t take away the pain it caused or alleviate the concern for another loss in the future. Because there is still that. Although we now know the reason why we lost one child we still will never know why we lost the other four. And it feels especially cruel that not only do we have the challenge of overcoming four unexplained early consecutive losses but that we were doomed with a random fatal consequence for the one that might have squeaked through. What are the chances of this kind of outcome for someone with a history of recurrent losses? They can’t even answer that. It feels like one in a million.

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6 thoughts on “1:100

  1. I’m so sorry. I know how hard it is to feel like you’re getting good news, when all you can think about is the horrible negatives. At least you have an answer and can move forward to trying again – wishing you all the luck in the world!

  2. Pingback: Can of worms | Project Sweet Pea

  3. I have had four consecutive losses all in the first trimester over the past 2 years.This last one was a d&c which revealed triploidy. You hit the nail on the head when you said one in a million. My geneticist said the same thing that the lovenox (PAI-1), progesterone, folate and aspirin (MTHFR) may have been the right cocktail of meds if the DNA had also cooperated. She said that it was a positive sign and to be hopeful for next time, it is rare for lightening to strike the same place twice. Strange, I seem to be so unlucky (in the medical field myself, I typically don’t believe in coincidence and happenstance) and actually I feel like lightening struck me four times in a row………..

    • I know how you feel, it’s so overwhelming. I’m so scared to try again but so desperate for it to work. It’s such a difficult thing to endure. Take care of yourself xx

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