One of the lead consultants at our recurrent miscarriage clinic said this to us during an appointment to discuss the outcome of our fifth loss:
“You think you’re special? You’re the only one you know going through this? Well I’m here to tell you that you’re not special. You are no more special than anyone else out there in that waiting room. There is nothing unique about your experiences.”
Phew, glad we cleared that up! It’s great to have it confirmed that no one actually cares about the specifics or individual nature of my five losses besides me.
“And you are here to ask why this is happening to you, what is so abnormal about you that this keeps happening? Why can’t you have a normal pregnancy? Well let me remind you that the sheer act of getting pregnant and carrying a baby to term is in fact actually ‘abnormal’ and the act of miscarriage is the ‘norm’. So don’t be upset if you miscarry multiple times, or be surprised. That’s actually how it’s supposed to work. Think of all the things that can go wrong! It’s a miracle babies are even born at all!”
Oh! I get it now! So the 20 year old from two doors down with the enormous baby bump and two little kids who smokes three packs a day and chugs a two litre bottle of cider in one sitting? She’s abnormal! And all those ladies with baby bumps I pass on the sidewalk everyday. Totally not normal. And all those kids in the park. Nope. And all my friends who are nursing or tending to their little ones. Definitely not. They’re all abnormal! What a relief!
Well now it’s all clear! I can see now how the possibility of never having a child is quite a realistic, normal outcome. Merely going along with nature’s way. I feel so much better now thanks!