OPK – not today

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There she is, that cute little OPK happy face smiling back at me. My little eggy just begging to be courted.

Sadly she’ll be flying solo today.

Yes a conscious decision to let this special monthly moment go by the wayside.

It’s freaking killing me but we have made and unmade this decision several times. The plan, I’m reminded, is to wait for tests to be performed and results received before we try this again.

Am I nuts? It has been over 2-1/2 years since these opportunities have been deemed golden and put to good use. Watching this one pass us by going to waste is a very sad thing to witness.

But I guess what we are after are answers. Next week I’m due to have a biopsy to test for NK cells and to test out this super fertility assessment. We’ll also be doing karyotyping and other immunological testing, many of which I explained here. For all these tests we need to be unpregnant. We are doing this to prevent more losses, I have to keep reminding myself.

But there’s the part of me that wants to throw caution to the wind. Part of me that wants to just go for it and see what happens. Was it all just bad luck? Is there really a problem? Could it work maybe just this once? Is there a good egg in there that will bring us our little bundle? Is this one, is she the one?

I guess the bottom line is we are too stunned and scared to find out. Still sore from recent losses. Still aching and exhausted from all the trauma. And so we’ll be sitting this month out.

I’ll be watching and hoping to see some smily faces put to good use out there in Fertility Cyberland ladies! Just hope I get to put one of my own to work again one day soon.

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7 thoughts on “OPK – not today

  1. Looking forward to hearing more – I’ve had a spectrum of tests but I haven’t been tested for NK cells, and the super-fertility thing is fascinating. Keep us posted. You are very brave sitting out a cycle – I know I couldn’t.

  2. I’ve struggled with that decision too and have had the same thoughts. Remembering that if I can get through the testing and get an answer to help me not miscarry will be much better than what was happening before.

    I also keep thinking – but what if the last three times were just bad luck? What if this was a good egg?

    Sucks. I will sit on the bench and watch with you.

    • Thanks. Sucks big time. I hate wasting what’s left of our precious time. If we get something from the results than hopefully it will be worth it. I just have this sinking feeling that everything will be normal yet again. Sigh. Thanks for sharing the bench with me

    • That’s how we feel, I’m not sure how to survive another loss. After the initial disappointment of missing that golden opportunity I feel better knowing we’re getting to the bottom of things

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