Today I’m just fucking angry.
Angry I’m I had to let that little egg go to waste this month. That I feel I don’t have many more eggs left. Angry that five babies were taken from me.
Angry that I’m in this fucking situation. That I still have no answers. That I have to wait for answers that might reveal nothing. Angry that no one in the medical profession seems to give a shit.
Angry that my friends are all knocked up without even trying. Angry that they are all out being happy and pregnant together while I wallow in misery. Angry that I’m spending fortunes on doctors and treatment and tests and supplements while that bitch two doors down can get knocked up three times while drinking and smoking during her pregnancies. And that she’s mean to her kids.
Angry that I’m suffering this in silence. That I have to quit my job because I’m too weak to withstand the barrage of cooing my colleague will receive from my colleagues and bosses. Angry that I cannot cope to watch her expanding belly and her due date so close to what was mine.
Angry at myself for not trying sooner. Angry that I’m not strong enough to endure this shit.
Now I’m going to go find something to break. Rant over.