More crazy dreams

I’ve been keeping track of my dreams. I don’t know why really, I guess it’s something Julia Indichova got me thinking about. Maybe it’s because they seem seriously messed up. Maybe it’s so I can look back on them later to decipher what’s really been going through my head during these rough patches and how it can be used to turn things around.

The recurrent nightmare has been absent for a few days. Last night, after I relinquished to an assisted sleep, it was replaced with this:

I’m faced with crossing a large river, much like the Thames but it’s deserted. There is a Mordor-like apocalyptic blustering grey landscape on both sides of the river but it seems necessary to cross it. The river is red, a deep muddy dirty red. There’s no one around. No one but my therapist. It’s her but she looks different. Taller, stronger build. She’s standing in front of me and I have to put my hands on her shoulders so she can lead me across the river. Except there’s no bridge, we have to walk on the water to get across. She’s able to do that with confidence and assures me it’s ok to follow her. It’s not miraculous, it feels practical. But I must hang on. It’s windy and I have to hang on tight.

We start to cross the river and she’s able to walk on the water and I notice I can too. After a few meters I can see we aren’t walking on the surface anymore but sinking, struggling with laboured steps to get through the muddy red water. But we can’t. And then I notice she’s not there anymore. That I’ve let go too soon.

And then I start to sink. I’m sinking through the water slowly like quicksand until it absorbs me. My view transforms to see myself from above. I can see my body slither into the water until only my hands are above it. But they’re not frantically trying to escape, they’re not fighting it. I can see my pale skin floating and slipping through the surface of the muddy red water as I wake up in tears gasping for air.

Just another cheery nighttime adventure! Sleeping is such a pleasure these days! But it is a weirdly cliche dream as well. I feel like I’m drowning everyday but now I actually do it in my sleep too. Great!

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3 thoughts on “More crazy dreams

  1. Hello,

    I took a look at your dream and I wanted to offer my interpretation. I go mostly based off of intuition so let me know if any part of the interpretation connects with you. Thank you for your wonderful dream!

    You started the dream by saying you were “faced with”. Faced with sounds like difficulty – something you are trying to confront- something that is a challenge for you.

    A river to me seems like a flowing body of water. I think of flowing emotions. Maybe tears that lead to something larger. I think of emotions starting out very specific and then channelling into different areas until it becomes overwhelming. I would ask what memories does the Thames River bring up for you? This may offer a clue as to what this emotional issue is. I would also ask why do you feel the absolute need to cross it? Is there promise of something better on the other side? Is there hope for refuge? What are you looking to see or experience when you cross the river?

    To be deserted reminds me of feelings of abandonment, desperation, or something unproductive/fruitless. Also reminds me of feeling like there is no help, being lost, without many resources.

    Apocalyptic grey landscape could mean the undertone of the emotions. Did something feel like the end of the world recently? Did you feel like you lost something or like you were abandoned? Did you feel lost recently? Did you feel like even if you get through this one thing, something else would come along that is similar and cause the same emotions to arise?

    The red color of the river (deep, muddy, dirty) reminds me of feelings of difficulty, being stuck, resentment, or maybe even feelings of guilt/shame. What does that particular red color evoke from you? Imagine that someone other than yourself was stranded in that muddy red water. What would they be crying out for? What would they be struggling or fighting for? This is an objective way to look at it. Were you struggling with any of those emotions recently?

    A therapist is a person that helps you through your emotions. He/She helps you make sense of your emotions and helps you get past them. The therapist in the dream could represent an aspect of you or your actual therapist. What is the personality of the therapist? Describe him/her in 3 words. Did you recently take on any one of those character traits or did you come into contact with someone that showed any of those character traits? I am also thinking that the therapist could represent a way in which you were trying to deal with your emotions. Have you been feeling like you are the only one who can see yourself through this situation?

    You said she was taller and stronger in build. Those things remind me of more confident, more self assured, and more able to stand up for oneself. Did you notice that in yourself lately? Were you more confident in your ability to handle something with some tools that you may have received? You asking for help… is still you helping yourself. Did you receive help from someone recently that made you feel like you could walk a little steadier.

    Having no bridge and having to walk on water reminds me of a very difficult thing to do. Especially if you do not have faith/belief in yourself, the process, or in your own ability. It reminds me of having to perform a miracle. Have you thought that something is impossible and you would need a miracle to recover from it?

    A bridge is a transition, a connection, an easy way to cross over/rise above water (emotions). But since there is no bridge, that means that you could be seeing this as, “there is no easy way out of this. I have to face it and get through it”. The therapist (which is an aspect of you) that will help you get through this gave you the antidote… “have confidence and follow me”. Sometimes we prepare ourselves to receive the answer to our questions. I would say have you received a message like that lately that offered you hope. Or keep your eyes open for something like that, that may help you through this. Perhaps you have been thinking that you have to take the hard way through this. Sometimes if we feel guilty or ashamed about something we make ourselves pay for it by punishing ourselves over and over again. I wonder if you are making this situation repeat itself because you feel bad for it instead of taking the easy way out. The easy way sometimes is letting go of all that you feel you have done wrong surrounding it and allowing yourself to breathe knowing that people make mistakes. Sometimes we also feel that if we let something go that means we are forgetting about it. Sometimes letting go is essential to our healing.

    So the approach that the therapist gave you seems very simple to you, not anything too difficult, and you called it practical. Nothing miraculous (meaning you coming to the conclusion that it doesn’t take that much to deal with this). You said that the only thing that you had to do was hang on because it was windy. Now hang on could mean have faith, see it better than you’ve been seeing it, or just don’t give up on yourself. Being windy reminds me of receiving life’s dramas from left to right. Things coming at you that you can’t control, that are hard to get through, but you can center yourself in the midst of all of that. You can keep your mind focused on the most positive outcome. As you do this you see that you are able to transform from someone that feels helpless and overwhelmed by this to someone who feels more empowered.

    But it seems like you lost confidence again after that point. It seems like an up and down kind of thing instead of consistently maintaining your balance as you get through this. Labored steps remind me of struggling. I wonder if you are working against your own current. For example, if you feel good about something one minute and then constantly follow up with negative thoughts then how could you ever give rise to positive emotion? You would be canceling out any positivity with negative thoughts that disallows you to heal. I would ask what situation are you going through where you have been trying to get through it, but find yourself falling back into the same old patterns? Which makes the situation seem more difficult to get through.

    Quick sand is engulfing. The more you wallow or struggle the faster you sink. It’s only when you relax that the momentum stops going so fast. I wonder what you are allowing yourself to be sucked into that you know is not beneficial for you? This does not need to be any particular action it could also be a vicious cycle of thought patterns.

    A view from above is almost like seeing something before it happens. A larger view. If you continue on this path with the emotions that you are feeling it may engulf you. The end shows you not struggling to fight and not trying to escape. I wonder if you are allowing this situation to continue without actually participating in your survival. Sometimes we think things are too hard to get through. Like we worked too hard to try and make this work, but sometimes it’s not in the action that helps us get through stuff. It’s in the mentality. When things start to feel to laborious it’s calling for a shift in perspective. A shift in thinking. The fact that you woke up gasping for air shows that you are still wanting to live. It seems like you recently made the decision that you wanted to live and to take your life back.

    Hope this helps!

    Best Wishes Renee

    • All I can say is WOW. Your assessment hits so close to home. Thank you so much for taking the time to look into this. It’s fascinating what you see in my dream. So much of it I never would have seen or understood. Thank you!

      • I am glad that you connected with the interpretation! Thank you for sharing your dream. Your dreams bring out some of the deepest parts of yourself. I know how difficult it is to share “yourself” with the world sometimes. Thanks replying 🙂

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