Blogworld BPFs

Is it just me or is there an abundance of BFP reports out there in blogworld?

Normally, pregnancy announcements are too difficult to endure. They are enough for me to quit my job, to end friendships, to send myself into self-exile. That’s probably because I don’t know anyone else struggling to have a child like I am in my day to day life. Each announcement ostracises me one step further than the one before it.

But because I know how much heartache and anxiety and strength and emotional strain has gone into each of these Blogworld BPFs, and recognising their anxiety is nowhere near over, I can truly say I am happy and energised for these women to finally get what they’ve been waiting for. This is something that provides the rest of us hope.

I corresponded with a friend on a forum who had 11 painful miscarriages before her last BFP. She struggled with a high risk pregnancy the entire 40 weeks and was never made to feel confident that she would meet this baby. But she got there in the end, and everyone is healthy and happy. Hearing her story and the strength she had to carry on inspired me to carry on too. I need to read about these BFPs. I need to know that this can work for people. That there is a possibility this might work out one day for me too.

Don’t get me wrong, for sure there is a pang of envy and grief, a rush of anxiety and self-doubt that washes over me as I read these announcements. Will I be the last one standing? Still bunless? Still bitching? Who knows. I sure don’t. But even if I am, hearing that other women like me are given the opportunity like this is really what it’s all about. And I truly hope that each of us gets that opportunity too one day soon because we sure as hell deserve it.

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22 thoughts on “Blogworld BPFs

  1. I’m with you! I have just spent a few minutes ‘hiding’ certain people on facebook – mainly new mothers and those who have just announced their pregnancies. About 12 people in total. But when I hear of women who get there after struggle, I feel so much hope and genuinely happy for them (of course with some envy mixed in, we are human).

    Some people say that a baby is a gift and not a right. But with the hell we have all endured, I feel like we have earned the right, 100 times over. We deserve to get there more than anyone. Hopefully when we do get there, it will make us appreciate our babies so much more. For all of our grief and depression, all our losses; we will make the best mothers.

    • Don’t even get me started on Facebook. I’m so much happier now that’s out of my life. It’s more like feel-shitty-about-myself-book. Good for you to hide all those profiles. Feels good huh!? And you’re right, we do deserve it!

  2. I am so glad you wrote this. This is exactly how I have been feeling over the last few days both in terms of happiness for those getting BFPs, hope that these struggles can result in success and fear that I’ll be the one left childless. Thank you for being brave enough to write so clearly and honestly what I think many of us will be feeling.

  3. I agree! Thank you. Yes, it does make me happy for every BFP I read about. And maybe it’s easier b/c it’s just in this little part of our world, not people we have to interact with everyday. But I do think you are right…it is easier to be happy for someone when you know the heart-ache they have been through, just like you…rather than the ones who seem to get everything so easily( I know, my bitterness comes through!) . I think a victory for our blogsphere struggling girls is a victory for us all. Miracles happen every day. I pray for all you girls all the time…by your blog names, of course …Project Sweetpea, Calm Persistence, MMC Story, etc. but I’m believing for all of us!

  4. I’ve definitely felt this on Twitter recently and feel I’m being left behind by both the real world and the virtual world. Not a nice feeling. I’m here with you though – I haven’t got a BFP yet. You’re not the last one standing, we can stand together 😉

  5. Yes! I’ve seen so many recently. I find it easier to be happy for bloggers than people in my real life because often I know so much more of their individual struggle. And they give me hope – unlike the people that get pregnant and say “it was a total accident, we only did it once!” while smoking and drinking and eating crap .

  6. I had to take a break from Facebook because the week I lost mine 4 friends popped up pregnant sigh that and my sister in law is pregnant too and she posts belly pics 😦 sigh

  7. Right on all accounts – blogword BFP’s are the only kind I feel I can ever be happy for, because I know that we’ve all struggled, endured and succeeded. It’s just not fair that it’s so easy for other people.

  8. It seems so many blogs I’ve stumbled onto are about just getting a BFP or having had a baby after years of struggle. Scrolling back through their documented journeys, it is reassuring to see that many were in the same place I am right now and felt the same things and felt the same hopelessness (at times). Since I am new to blogging, it hadn’t occurred to me, but you raise a good point about wondering if you will be the last one standing. It’s sort of like when all the friends you thought you would become moms with are all long ago moms. Will the same thing happen with your blogging kindred journeywomen? No answers, but I really relate to your feelings and connect to your blog. 🙂

  9. I couldn’t agree more. Not that I am not happy for fertile’s who get pregnant, but when an infertile gets to announce a BFP its the equivalent to a “win” for the home team. My team- and we may not be winning all the time, but anytime we can get the pendulum to swing in any of our favors I am all for it!

  10. Totally! A girl in my support group recently got pregnant on her 5th transfer (all fresh but one) for the first time in almost 4 years of trying using a doctor and a treatment that failed me. But I was so genuinely overjoyed (less the 5% sting of envy) because it does mean it can happen while I wait for the fate-jury to deliberate on my #5 & #6 banked/CCS pregnancy endeavor with HGH at fancypants-CCRM. It can happen. Where else do we get the strength to endure?

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