It is 5am on CD35 / 16DPO and I’m kind of freaking out. Not in a good way.
Where the hell is Aunt Flo? Why have I had 16 consecutive high temps and three BFNs? I have tested on 9dpo, 12dpo and 15dpo and nothing. Where are the cramps, the mood swings, the headaches? Instead I’ve got the hum in my abdomen, the sore boobs, the restless legs, the sleepless nights, the unusual twinges.
Historically all these things meant one thing. I fear history is repeating itself. These symptoms + late BFP + late implantation = miscarriage in my world. Nothing else.
This was supposed to be fixed by taking progesterone after ovulation as New Clinic suggested. They even said it would make it harder to get pregnant. I followed their instructions and stayed on it for a week, one week after ovulation. POAS. If BFN stop and AF will appear. Well AF is MIA. We had imagined this cycle was a bust. I was OK with that. I was already focused on the next.
They said it themselves. Late implantation and late BFP means over 90% risk of loss. Over 90% likelihood of chromosomal abnormality. The later it gets, the worse the outcome. Is this Super Fertility in action yet again?
Now I’m stuck in this strange purgatory. I never thought I’d beg to see AF. I’d take her over a late BFP at this stage I’m sad to say. I’m not ready to be told of the likelihood of miscarrying again. Not now. Not like this. I can’t go through this again so soon.
In the meantime I am hoping late ovulation this cycle just means late AF. That maybe my cycle is just out of whack. Maybe it’s the UTI and kidney infection I’ve been battling causing the raucous. I’m hoping that’s all it is. But I’m on the lookout for soreness on one side, as an ectopic pregnancy can produce late BFPs too. And I’ll test again on Monday, when 18 consecutive high temps only mean one thing.
6 is my lucky number. It’s not meant to happen this way. I knew it would never be easy, but to be filled with hopelessness and dread even before it begins isn’t how I hoped things would go.