Is history repeating itself?

It is 5am on CD35 / 16DPO and I’m kind of freaking out. Not in a good way.

Where the hell is Aunt Flo? Why have I had 16 consecutive high temps and three BFNs? I have tested on 9dpo, 12dpo and 15dpo and nothing. Where are the cramps, the mood swings, the headaches? Instead I’ve got the hum in my abdomen, the sore boobs, the restless legs, the sleepless nights, the unusual twinges.

Historically all these things meant one thing. I fear history is repeating itself. These symptoms + late BFP + late implantation = miscarriage in my world. Nothing else.

This was supposed to be fixed by taking progesterone after ovulation as New Clinic suggested. They even said it would make it harder to get pregnant. I followed their instructions and stayed on it for a week, one week after ovulation. POAS. If BFN stop and AF will appear. Well AF is MIA. We had imagined this cycle was a bust. I was OK with that. I was already focused on the next.

They said it themselves. Late implantation and late BFP means over 90% risk of loss. Over 90% likelihood of chromosomal abnormality. The later it gets, the worse the outcome. Is this Super Fertility in action yet again?

Now I’m stuck in this strange purgatory. I never thought I’d beg to see AF. I’d take her over a late BFP at this stage I’m sad to say. I’m not ready to be told of the likelihood of miscarrying again. Not now. Not like this. I can’t go through this again so soon.

In the meantime I am hoping late ovulation this cycle just means late AF. That maybe my cycle is just out of whack. Maybe it’s the UTI and kidney infection I’ve been battling causing the raucous. I’m hoping that’s all it is. But I’m on the lookout for soreness on one side, as an ectopic pregnancy can produce late BFPs too. And I’ll test again on Monday, when 18 consecutive high temps only mean one thing.

6 is my lucky number. It’s not meant to happen this way. I knew it would never be easy, but to be filled with hopelessness and dread even before it begins isn’t how I hoped things would go.

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28 thoughts on “Is history repeating itself?

  1. Being in “limbo” sucks, but you know there’s a saying: “when you reach the end of your rope tie a knot and hang on!” So if it comes to that (BFP full of uncertainty, or worse, certain failure) then tie that knot…I’ll be thinking of you, XO

  2. You’ve had a tough month and with the hormones and illness it could easily result in late AF although I appreciate that the sustained high temperature and your general feeling is pointing to a late BFP (there should be another acronym for a positive result which doesn’t sound so upbeat). The uncertainty and related anxiety can be one of the hardest things and I really feel for you as a BFP should be a happy moment not something which gives you a sense of impending sadness. I hope that you get your answer soon and if it is a BFP that you are able to get some early blood tests which can confirm how things are progressing rather than having to wait weeks for scans.

    • Thanks love, you’re right. It could be so many things. Really trying to ignore my body today. Trying to take my mind of it. There is nothing I can do at this point but wait. xx

  3. Oh no 😦 I dread a late bfp – once I get to 12dpo and get a bfn ALL I want is AF to arrive. I really hope it’s just your body playing tricks and you’re not about to travel down some terrible rocky road 😦 Thinking of you xxx

    • Me too, I just don’t get it. Maybe the ovaries have just conked out altogether. Maybe my bod’s just saying: nah, I’ll pass on the period this month, thanks. Maybe there’s an embie floating in no mans land. Who the fuck knows. I miss Aunt Flo more than ever right now xx

  4. Thinking of you and sending lots of positive energy your way for a happy outcome. Stay strong and treat yourself to something nice to help you take your mind of things. Just a thought… perhaps the extra progesterone you’re taking is the culprit? It could be that the extra progesterone is giving you a longer luteal phase than usual and that is why AF hasn’t arrived yet? or even better, perhaps you did conceive this cycle, and the extra progesterone will help you have a strong and successful implantation, even if it happens later than desired. Really hoping for the latter and this is your month!

  5. Forgive me if you stated this in your post, but when did you stop taking progesterone? I took progesterone right before my surgery, and they told me that once I stopped it would take two days to two weeks to get my period. I know your situation is a little different since you specifically took it after ovulation, but progesterone really does mess with your cycle.

    • Very interesting! Thanks for the tip lovely. I quit progesterone about a week ago. So maybe with an infection, high stress, and progesterone lingering it could be keeping AF out of sight. I had no idea. Would be nice if New Clinic answered my calls huh?! I learn more from you peeps anyway! Thanks hun! I’ll keep you posted xx

  6. I’m so sorry. I’m praying and hoping that like the other comments above, it’s just the progesterone messing with your body. My cycles were always the same, always on time, and once I started trying to conceive and having recurrent miscarriages, all of a sudden my body messes with me in an even bigger effort to make my life miserable. Now, when I’m trying and want to be pregnant, my period shows up late and gives me false hope. When we are taking a break and there’s no way I’m pregnant, I get my period a week early (this happened just in time for my 2 year wedding anniversary back in February. My 1 year anniversary I was having a miscarriage, so I thought it was at least an improvement from the previous year.) This is all just sucks. I’m sorry again. I’m sad for all of us ladies that have to suffer through this but I’m sure glad we have this community to get through it all together.

  7. Ugh, I am hoping it is jus the progesterone and either you get your period soon or you get the miracle late implanting BFP that hangs around. Will be thinking about you and sending happy thoughts.

  8. Pingback: One step at a time | Project Sweet Pea

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