She’s back

Well Aunt Flo has finally made a most dramatic entrance. Unfashionably late. Downright rude. 21 DPO and in she walks.

The way the last three weeks have unfolded has been interesting to say the least:

• One week of waiting
• One week of 400mg progesterone twice a day
• Overlap that with 10 days of testing
• And more waiting
• 5 BFNs
• 3 days of crazy symptoms
• 1 faint very late BFP
• 1 stark white BFN
• Followed by monstrous cramps and vengeful AF

They think it might have been a chemical pregnancy but they can’t be sure. Because I refused a beta test. What’s the point? It’s not going to change anything.

It’s something about the emotional investment needed to go through that again, it just wasn’t something I could do this time.

So I’m choosing what I want to believe. I am choosing to believe that progesterone lengthened my cycle and messed with my system. Because it did. What happened in between no one can say for sure. And that’s ok. I’d rather not speculate. I’d rather focus on the future. Whatever that brings.

25 thoughts on “She’s back

  1. Ugggghhhhh. I’m really sorry. I can totally understand not wanting to know for sure if it was a chemical pregnancy or not. You’re right, it doesn’t change anything, but if you know for sure it’s just one more on the list of frustrations :(.

  2. That’s what I went through, and now I’m going over 78 days with no period.. My Dr said sometimes your ovaries will go dormant from the shock of the loss.. I found out Monday and lost on Friday,, it’s still sad and sometimes I wished I never saw the positive p test 😦

    • That’s awful, I am so sorry. As if this wasn’t bad enough already but to have your ovaries take a time out too. So hard. So unfair. You’re right, it makes me think next cycle I just won’t test. Its easier that way. But I’ll believe that when I see it! xx

  3. I admire your persistence to move forward and believe what’s in your mind and heart. It’s not an easy thing. Thanks for sharing! I just started sharing my infertility story and it’s encouraging to read other people’s stories too.

  4. I’ve just gone through my first chemical pregnancy and can’t even imagine what it’s like to go through it multiple times. I can understand why you want to avoid thinking about it. Sending you a huge hug!!

  5. Really sorry to hear this!! Minus the BFP our cycles sound a LOT alike this time. I’m currently on day 3 of Provera, although I’m only taking it once a day! Hoping AF will show up soon so I can move on!!

    I’ve never had a BFP, but I can imagine seeing one disappear had to have been excruciating!!

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