V is for Valium

I don’t get much sleep these days. Every night is a struggle, an internal battle. I try to keep the demons at bay, try not to give in to my subconscious reminding me that this will never work.

The nightmares, the anxiety attacks, the sleep-crying, they all creep in when I’m my most vulnerable in the middle of the night.

So I am so very happy the little pill of bliss has entered my life. Something to numb the pain temporarily. Something to quiet the noise. At least for a short time.

Tonight is one of those nights. It’s been that kind of week. Tonight I will V up and shut my brain to the world for a full 8 hours and wake up in an oblivious daze.

I am so tired in so many ways.

30 thoughts on “V is for Valium

  1. Sometimes you have to do that, to come back stronger. I hope your natural sleeping cycle returns. anxiety and despair are the worst demons, I’m sending you a big hug. Hypnotherapy helps me – I wonder if it’d help you too. x

    • Thanks love. Yes hypnotherapy is helping, I go once a week. Still somehow all the doubt creeps out in my sleep, when I’m not able to rationalise the fear. Little steps, one day at a time I guess huh xx

  2. I am right there with you, though for me, wine does the same trick. I passed out after 1/2 glass last night and woke feeling slightly refreshed.. Hang in there, I know that this can’t last forever, though (like high school) it frequently feels that way. I’m glad we’re here to remind each other that eventually we’ll be on the other side of it all. Take care of yourself.

    • That is a good way to look at it, like high school. A phase that can’t last forever. I hope! Thanks for the support. Sorry you’re dealing with your demons too. So hard xx

  3. Hugs Lisette. I hope you were able to get some sleep. I completely understand. My own demons have been haunting me too. Hang in there. It will get better. It just has too.

  4. I know sleep crying all too well. I also feel my worst at night. It’s like the sunshine brings happy, even when you don’t want it. The night just makes it all go away and leaves you feeling like it’s just you and the dark. I hope your normal sleeping returns soon, love!

    • That’s exactly what it’s like. Exactly. And although I’m so freaking tired all the time I dread going to sleep. It’s like I’m regressing to childhood all over again! Good news is the Valium works like a charm. Not for everyday but necessary at times! xx

  5. Oh darlin. Here I am at 6 a.m., having woken up at 3 and not able to get back to sleep, and I gravitate to this post, to help me feel less alone…and it has, thank you, but I wish sleep were easier for you, wish those demons away. Yes, so vulnerable at night. I’m glad you’ve found something that helps numb. I wish you peace!! xoxo

    • It’s awful not being able to get through a night properly. It affects so much of my day. You are definitely not alone. It’s been four months since we lost ours and I haven’t slept a proper night without help. The anxiety is overwhelming. It’s a time when rational thinking doesn’t happen, it doesn’t seem to matter what I tell myself during the day. The latent stress resurfaces night after night. It’s so hard. Glad at least something takes the edge off for now, I think I’m going to have to look into antidepressants instead to help me get over the hump. Hoping you find some peace too love, you are doing so unbelievably well. Big hug xx

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