In the words of the lovely Coral Blooms, 2013 can do one. Man can it ever.
Unfortunately, like many of you I said something along those lines about 2012 and 2011 too.
2012 ended with three miscarriages. We were convinced then that there would be happier days ahead, and that 2013 would be a better year.
It’s hard to believe that I’m ending this year with another three more. And that the years seem to be getting progressively worse. Lonelier. Harder. Sadder.
But it was this year, after losing our fifth at 10 weeks, when I started blogging. I had already begun my self-imposed exile, removed myself from friendships, from family, from life really when I began to let it all out into cyberspace. I never expected to feel the emotional release or the overwhelming support, encouragement and love I get receive the the amazing community of loss and infertility. That’s really what’s kept me going this year. That and the support from my amazing husband and our overwhelming desire to keep trying until we’re successful.
I have no idea what Keep Trying 2014 looks like. If this pregnancy will succeed or fail. If we will be trying again with my eggs or try DEIVF or surrogacy or adoption. The countless possibilities take my breath away. But I can’t think about that.
Nor can I think about the excruciatingly debilitating cramps I’ve been getting, or my upcoming scan next week. Those are for another post. There is nothing I or anyone else can do about that right now.
I will try to focus on taking on step at a time, on being where I am right now. I will try to be hopeful no matter how scary that feels.
I hope that 2014 brings us all happier, brighter days. Thank you to you all for your incredible support xx