Graduation

Thank you so much to everyone for all your well-wishes, especially to those who stopped by to check on me the last few days. I apologise for the radio silence. Work has been crazy for the last two weeks which has been a blessing in a way because it has taken my mind off constantly wondering if Nacho is ok in there. But working through the weekend and into the evening isn’t really what I had in mind. I’ve been sick as a dog with the flu for a week on top of things and fatigue has taken over my life. That’s pretty much the only thing that reminds me I’m still pregnant.

Most of my symptoms and what little nausea I had has stopped now so I have nothing to tell me Nacho is actually ok in there. That’s not normal is it? I don’t know, we are entering into unchartered territory here.

When symptoms stop is when alarm bells go off in my head. That’s when things went wrong before at ten weeks. So when I mentioned my feelings to DH he immediately suggested we get a scan to put my mind to rest. So we got one last week and it was worth every penny. I was quite nervous though and my heart rate was visibly elevated and as a result so was Nacho’s. It never occurred to me that our heart rates would be linked. This really hit home. That my stressing directly affects little Nacho.

The sonographer was very pleased with Nacho’s progression. DH keeps telling me that he’s just trying not to worry me and is just quietly growing and ticking along. But really Nacho, I wouldn’t mind a few signs here and there, you know?

Last night was our 10w scan and the Harmony test. This isn’t covered under the NHS so we’ve gone privately for it. I know this test is called all sorts of things in other countries but it’s basically a non-invasive blood test to tell us whether we are at a risk of chromosomal abnormalities like Downs, Edwards, Patau. When read in conjunction with a nuchal scan it’s supposed to give a highly accurate assessment of risk and should help make decisions whether to proceed with amnio or cvs. We decided to get the test and nuchal scan done at the same clinic by the guy who invented the combined test because we ultimately want to do neither amnio or cvs and figure if we have to pay for it we might as well go to the best.

We find out the results in two weeks when we have the Nuchal scan. This scares the crap out of me. The thought of being told Nacho might have a 5-10% chance of surviving beyond the first year fills me with horror. I don’t like statistics, I don’t have much luck with them. But I’m getting ahead of myself. I’ve promised myself not to worry about things beyond my control right now, for Nacho’s sake. I’m going to stick to that plan. I don’t want to cause Nacho any unnecessary anxiety. That little heart needs to keep beating peacefully.

What a difference a week makes. Nacho has gone from a blob on a screen to a bouncing, kicking, stretching, waving, smiling person. It was the craziest thing I’ve ever seen. We never expected to see that yesterday and were brought to tears by the sight. Yippee!!

This morning we had our regular recurrent miscarriage EPU check up where we were discharged. The thought of finally graduating from that miserable place made me giddy with anticipation. We have officially surpassed all previous pregnancies in terms of gestation at this point. Scary unchartered territory but I feel ok. Passing my due date a few weeks ago was so hard but things are lightening up.

Now I just want to relax. I don’t want to make any decisions. I don’t want to have to chose a hospital. I don’t want to have to decide what my treatment plan is going forward. I don’t want to have to choose whether to have amnio or cvs. I just want to lay low. These first 10 and a half weeks have all been such a rollercoaster and I am exhausted.

One thing is for sure: I can’t wait to get off this prednisone. Don’t get me wrong I am thrilled that it seems to be helping and would do it again a million times over but man do I feel terrible on it. My face has recently swollen up and I can’t sleep no matter how tired I am. Two more weeks to go.

On the plus side, doing clexane injections everyday has become very routine and they don’t bother me at all. I’m quite impressed with myself that I’ve been on top of it enough not to have skipped a single medication or supplement so far. I hope I can keep it up.

I don’t know what did it this time but between the Intralipids, LIT, Clexane, progesterone, prednisone, aspirin, Chinese herbs and pre-conception supplements and routine something seems to have clicked. I don’t care what it was that worked as long as it keeps working. Grow Nacho grow!

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85 thoughts on “Graduation

  1. Oh Lisette, I have been anxiously awaiting an update and am ELATED to read of all the positive progress! So much hope abounds! For you, for us all… I am nothing less than grateful to be able to share in your journey and be a witness to this blessed evolution in your story… Girl, I think of you so often and send a thousand well-wishes for the little one within!!!

  2. Amazing, amazing news. I have been checking in daily for your updates, and I am so glad for your news. So glad. I just keep thinking of that dark place you wrote about months (weeks?) ago – and now look at you. So amazing. Miracles. xoxo

    • I know Kate, you’re so right, it’s crazy where I was only a few months ago. I appreciate your support so much. I don’t know what I’d do without lovelies like you. xxx

    • I know! And I had just told you my symptoms were minor :/ Only in the last few weeks my face has really swollen up (I just look fat but only in my face – weird) and I can hardly sleep anymore. But I’ve been on it now for 10 weeks and I know the longer you’re on it the worse the symptoms can get. Blah! I’m hoping you won’t be on it long but even if you are I do believe it’s doing something good. Fingers crossed so hard for you xxx

  3. Great! You are doing great, I have exactly those negative feelings, to be honest about my own situation. It’s great for a few days after the scan but the day before my 11 week scan tomorrow, I start worrying as have mild cramp feeling in my vagina…so delighted your nacho is doing great! Was he moving around? Mad you could get that at ten weeks. Ours had heartbeat but no waving and bouncing! Maybe, tomorrow!

    • Oh hun, keeping you in my thoughts too. I hope things continue to go well. Our scan was crazy, it was a super powerful machine so the detail was amazing! We could see Nacho stretch, kick, wave, bounce, smile, everything. So crazy! Fingers crossed for us both this is it! xx

  4. Glad things are going so well!! It is totally normal for symptoms to taper off at the point that you’re at. I found it really difficult too. It’s an awkward phase where the symptoms ease up and yet you’re not really showing and not feeling kicks yet. It’s hard to keep the faith that everything is still progressing as it should.

    • Thank you so much for telling me these things, it makes me feel a lot better! It is a weird time. All we want are some signs things are going ok. One day at a time I guess! Thanks so much for your support xxx

  5. Yay for Nacho growing nicely! I hear you about the worrying part though. I’ve just recently found out that my IUI worked but going from one beta to the other is killing me. I think your Nacho will stick around and I’m looking forward to hear more about it!

  6. I’m so glad everything is ticking along nicely and your little acorn is all safe. Don’t worry about the Harmony test – it will be fine! Then you’ll have so much more peace of mind. That’s when I started to relax a bit more and enjoy things. I know you don’t want to think about hospitals but if you’re anywhere in the London area I totally recommend St Thomas’s. I opted for there after our local hospital was in the news for failings in its maternity care. Since I’ve been there I’ve been treated so well and due to my bicornuate uterus have just attended premature clinic who checked my cervix and some other substance they don’t want you to have in 2nd trimester it was all clear and I got to see my baby girl doing acrobatics. I see them every 4 weeks plus all the other monitoring. They take their time and have a drop-in early preg unit where I had the most dignified kindest care when I had the bleeding.They are cutting edge in terms of research and so much more on the ball than my local hospital where a friend of mine is for her pregnancy and she’s not had great care. I’m so excited for you but you must take it easy and not work too hard – you’ll wish you slowed down as everything goes so fast. Take care!! Xxxx

    • Oh love, thank you so much for telling me this. I feel better already. I am so hopeful the test will come back ok. I do feel that if it comes back ok that I’ll start to relax a bit.
      And thank you for your tips about St Thomas’s. I’m going to speak to my GP about it this week. It’s a bit far for us (we’re in NE London) but it sounds like the care is incredible. It’s either there or UCLH which is a closer. I’ll keep you posted!
      I’ll take your advice and try to slow things down now. It’s so important. Thank you hun! xx

  7. Fantastic to hear everything’s ok so far! And hey, a lot of miscarriages take place during week 9 when the major organs start to develop, so at week 10 you’re past a huge milestone! In my early pregnancy the symptoms tended to come and go, though by week 10 I think I was hurling pretty much non-stop, with the nausea only getting worse. Point is, don’t freak out: it’s normal to have days where you have fewer symptoms or they are less intense…an then days where you can’t even stand up without puking. Our doctor at least told us that my nausea might get a bit better by week 10 exactly because the major organs are created by then and the placenta starts to take over hormone production. Sounds like everything is moving along perfectly! Try to enjoy!

    • Thank you so much for reminding me about all these things, it makes me feel a lot better. You’re right, we’ve passed a huge milestone. Keeping fingers crossed! Thank you! xx

  8. I cannot even tell you how excited I am to hear all this!!! I think I said before I was hoping no news was good news, but it’s so much better to hear all the details that scans are still going so well!! And you graduated, scary and awesome isn’t it??? In a slightly selfish way I’m excited we’re going through this (finally) together. All the things your feeling I’m totally dealing with too, including the anxiety, despite telling myself to relax. I’m with you 100%. Can’t wait to hear how your NT scan and blood test go.

    • Scary and awesome is right! I’m also very glad you’re going through this right now too hun, it makes such a huge difference. I can’t believe it even. What are the chances of that? Our lucky #7s are unbelievable. Thanks so much for being here. I’m totally going to buy a Doppler ASAP if we get through the NT scan & good results a week on Monday! xx

  9. I am so glad to know your pregnancy is progressing and wee Nacho is chugging along beautifully. I know how yucky prednisone is and am glad you don’t have much longer on it. Hang in there – things are looking so positive (Yay!).

  10. Lisette, did you start Prednisone while TTC or after you fell pregnant? It’s recommended for me the next time around so I am wondering about your protocol. Glad to hear the Lovenox/Clexane isn’t too difficult – I’ll be doing that one as well. Best wishes for your pregnancy!

    • Thank you sooo much! It was recommended I start prednisone and clexane both on CD7 so that’s what I did. Couldn’t believe it worked straight away, I had miscarried the cycle just before. Our immunologist suggested they both help prepare the womb ahead of implantation. Wishing you best of luck!!! xx

  11. Congratulations. I won’t lie, you will probably be scared through your whole pregnancy, but I can guarantee you that you will love motherhood more than most because you worked so hard for it and you know what a gift that baby is. I have only had one miscarriage and it still haunts me (I am also infertile) so I can’t imagine your struggles. You are a hero. Best wishes, Shannon

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