Graduation

Thank you so much to everyone for all your well-wishes, especially to those who stopped by to check on me the last few days. I apologise for the radio silence. Work has been crazy for the last two weeks which has been a blessing in a way because it has taken my mind off constantly wondering if Nacho is ok in there. But working through the weekend and into the evening isn’t really what I had in mind. I’ve been sick as a dog with the flu for a week on top of things and fatigue has taken over my life. That’s pretty much the only thing that reminds me I’m still pregnant.

Most of my symptoms and what little nausea I had has stopped now so I have nothing to tell me Nacho is actually ok in there. That’s not normal is it? I don’t know, we are entering into unchartered territory here.

When symptoms stop is when alarm bells go off in my head. That’s when things went wrong before at ten weeks. So when I mentioned my feelings to DH he immediately suggested we get a scan to put my mind to rest. So we got one last week and it was worth every penny. I was quite nervous though and my heart rate was visibly elevated and as a result so was Nacho’s. It never occurred to me that our heart rates would be linked. This really hit home. That my stressing directly affects little Nacho.

The sonographer was very pleased with Nacho’s progression. DH keeps telling me that he’s just trying not to worry me and is just quietly growing and ticking along. But really Nacho, I wouldn’t mind a few signs here and there, you know?

Last night was our 10w scan and the Harmony test. This isn’t covered under the NHS so we’ve gone privately for it. I know this test is called all sorts of things in other countries but it’s basically a non-invasive blood test to tell us whether we are at a risk of chromosomal abnormalities like Downs, Edwards, Patau. When read in conjunction with a nuchal scan it’s supposed to give a highly accurate assessment of risk and should help make decisions whether to proceed with amnio or cvs. We decided to get the test and nuchal scan done at the same clinic by the guy who invented the combined test because we ultimately want to do neither amnio or cvs and figure if we have to pay for it we might as well go to the best.

We find out the results in two weeks when we have the Nuchal scan. This scares the crap out of me. The thought of being told Nacho might have a 5-10% chance of surviving beyond the first year fills me with horror. I don’t like statistics, I don’t have much luck with them. But I’m getting ahead of myself. I’ve promised myself not to worry about things beyond my control right now, for Nacho’s sake. I’m going to stick to that plan. I don’t want to cause Nacho any unnecessary anxiety. That little heart needs to keep beating peacefully.

What a difference a week makes. Nacho has gone from a blob on a screen to a bouncing, kicking, stretching, waving, smiling person. It was the craziest thing I’ve ever seen. We never expected to see that yesterday and were brought to tears by the sight. Yippee!!

This morning we had our regular recurrent miscarriage EPU check up where we were discharged. The thought of finally graduating from that miserable place made me giddy with anticipation. We have officially surpassed all previous pregnancies in terms of gestation at this point. Scary unchartered territory but I feel ok. Passing my due date a few weeks ago was so hard but things are lightening up.

Now I just want to relax. I don’t want to make any decisions. I don’t want to have to chose a hospital. I don’t want to have to decide what my treatment plan is going forward. I don’t want to have to choose whether to have amnio or cvs. I just want to lay low. These first 10 and a half weeks have all been such a rollercoaster and I am exhausted.

One thing is for sure: I can’t wait to get off this prednisone. Don’t get me wrong I am thrilled that it seems to be helping and would do it again a million times over but man do I feel terrible on it. My face has recently swollen up and I can’t sleep no matter how tired I am. Two more weeks to go.

On the plus side, doing clexane injections everyday has become very routine and they don’t bother me at all. I’m quite impressed with myself that I’ve been on top of it enough not to have skipped a single medication or supplement so far. I hope I can keep it up.

I don’t know what did it this time but between the Intralipids, LIT, Clexane, progesterone, prednisone, aspirin, Chinese herbs and pre-conception supplements and routine something seems to have clicked. I don’t care what it was that worked as long as it keeps working. Grow Nacho grow!