I’ve recently changed practitioners of traditional Chinese medicine and acupuncture.

My last one was, how do we say … an unwavering, belligerent tyrant. You can read about the treatment plan I followed in this earlier post.

I think what threw me over the edge was his comment during my last pregnancy, once we learned that our sweet pea’s little heart was struggling to keep going, that I had something to do with the potential outcome of loss. That I had been told to come for acupuncture three times a week and take my herbs twice a day and eat two eggs a day and don’t raise my arms over my head and to stay in bed all day everyday….on and on. It was my fault we Iost the baby. Period. I hadn’t done everything he suggested. How could I!? The list was endless. I came pretty damn close, I really did.

Not only did I have to travel almost two hours each way to see him three times a week but I was being blamed for moving around too much to get there. The anxiety, on top of my fear of losing a fifth sweet pea, was nearly unmanageable. I was paying him over £600 a week to be told that was my lack of emotional control was causing the miscarriage too.

Aside from that I loved the acupuncture. I love the herbs. I could feel them working. My hormones were balancing at last. And I learned a lot about my BBT. I have no doubt that the practioner is very knowledgable but I think he is lacking some serious bedside manner. Nothing was worth feeling like I was to blame for losing our little one. Especially as there was no controlling or fixing that. We lost him to a tragically fluke a chromosomal abnormality, independent of egg, sperm, environmental quality. It just happened.

My new practitioner, Ms Lovely, is the most fabulously positive individual I’ve encountered as far as healthcare providers go on this wretched journey. She’s completely 180 from the last guy. First off, she quit her last job with a very exclusive world renown fertility clinic because she didn’t agree with the excessive pricing regime. She didn’t want to be a part of the commercialism that has taken over the world of infertility. She understands that people struggling with infertility often don’t have a lot of money because they are paying for treatment through the nose, but they are willing to remortgage their homes, work two jobs, scrimp and save to bring home their sweet pea. She went out on her own to help people. Her pricing is fair, and a fraction of what I was paying before. For this I love her.

Thankfully she believes in the benefits of other holistic treatment. She believes that as long as the body and mind are in harmony and well looked after, you can pretty much do what you like within moderation and it will have positive effects on fertility. She’s chilled about how and when I take my herbs, as long as I take them. I can eat fruit, I can do moderate exercise, I can eat a little bit of chocolate or drink a little wine now and then if I want. Anything that makes me happy as long as it’s not excessive. It’s happiness that she’s trying to get to.

The last guy made life so difficult that I felt I was no longer in control of my life or my pregnancy. Fear mongering in such a desperate circumstance. I would do nearly anything to have a child but I was losing sight of my own needs.

The way Ms Lovely handled the AMH situation has been so reassuring. She patiently answered my 6,333 questions about it and she went ahead to say she is confident we will not only conceive with my eggs but will carry our first sweet pea to term. That’s some pretty crazy confidence but at least one of us has some.

And while the needles are doing their thing she doesn’t leave me there like the last guy. She spends time either giving me a head massage, back rub or abdominal sacral massage for a full hour. I leave there so content, relaxed and peaceful. So completely different from my last experience. My homework this week? Try a floatation tank. Now that I can do.

The Hubs loves her too and we agreed she is the right woman for us. Her approach is practical, gentle and understanding, just the kind of thing I need in my life right now.