About the Project

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Thanks for visiting Project Sweet Pea. This project has come about as a personal method to cope with the struggles with recurrent pregnancy loss. Having decided to leave the baby-making until after we established our careers and settled ourselves into life in another country, my husband and I were shocked to discover that it wouldn’t be as easy as we had thought or as it is for seemingly everyone else. Having lost now six babies in 18 months, with none of them exceeding the stage of what is referred to as the size of a sweetpea, we have become different people to when we started this process. Everyday is a constant struggle to manage the grief, regret, sadness, confusion and frustration. By creating this blog, I’m able to let it all out. To treat this as a project that I have yet to complete, something I need to work on to help me achieve my goal. A way to manage the resources I have found useful and alleviating in this horrible and unfair process.

22 thoughts on “About the Project

  1. So sorry you are going through all this. I had 1 miscarriage in Nov, but I am 39 and DH is 45. It is scary, but I love your approach to doing all you can to get in optimum shape. The rest we leave in God’s hands! All the best for Project Sweet Pea!

  2. Pingback: Tell no one…ok maybe just one | Project Sweet Pea

  3. Dear Lisette,

    You have been on my mind all week since reading your Letters to Friends post and your other recent posts, and I just wanted to send you a message letting you know that I’m thinking about you. Thank you so much for your words of encouragement and support over the past few weeks. Please know I’m here for you too. It seems like you’ve been having a hard couple of weeks, and I wanted to send you a virtual hug.

    It saddens me that many of the people in your immediate circle of friends have not been there for you, and all I have to say is good for you for saying something about it! I am fortunate to have some very supportive friends and family, but there are some people who are very clueless and insensitive, who I have very artificial relationships with. I wish I had the courage to send a letter like yours to them. You are so brave! There have been many situations in the past few years that have made me want to shout at the world about how unfair it all is. Is it not bad enough that we have had to lose so much, but then be surrounded by so many people who become parents easily and take it for granted? I saw a mother screaming at her child in Target a few weeks back and wanted throw myself in front of the child and shout back at the terrible mother. I have many moments like these, but perhaps the most notable is something an ex “friend” of mine did… Only a few weeks after my son passed away in the NICU, I found out that this so-called friend had an abortion. She had lied to me and told me she had a miscarriage. I was stunned. It was so unbelievable. I believe in a woman’s right to choose, though I don’t agree with the choice, but how could she actively make a choice to end her pregnancy when my baby was fighting for his life in the NICU? And if that wasn’t bad enough, what really struck me to the core, and put me in a blind rage, was the fact that she could look me in the face and lie and say she had a miscarriage. I had just buried my 3 ½ month old son due to a pregnancy complication, preeclampsia. It was unthinkable. It was a slap in the face to every person who has wanted a baby more than anything, and had it taken away. I found out about her lie from another friend. After learning of her betrayal, I didn’t even call her to ask her about it, I simply never spoke to her again, and I don’t regret the decision at all. So, good for you for putting yourself first and removing the unhealthy and unsupportive people from your life! I think sometimes it’s the only answer in order to protect ourselves form these toxic and unhealthy people in our lives.

    As for having a difficult time being around “Sweat Pea Thieves” (I think that analogy is genius btw!), that is completely understandable too! I can say that, at least for me, it get’s a little easier as time goes on. You’ve been through a lot in only one year! It’s understandable that this is just too difficult for you! I’m not going to lie, I still get pangs of jealousy every time I find out a friend of mine is expecting, and it seems at my age, that everyone I know is having a baby right now, but I’m able to separate myself from the jealousy these days and also be happy for them. I actually just bought a baby gift for a shower next weekend, and had to give myself a pat on the back for being able to go into the baby store, print off the registry and wander around looking through all the stuff they registered for. It was an eerie reminder of my own baby registry that I created 3 ½ years ago during my first pregnancy before it all went wrong. I still have a copy of it. With every miscarriage since then, I’ve thought about getting rid of it, but I always stop myself. I guess it’s a testament to how strong my hope is that, although I’ll have to modify it quite a bit for newer items, I still believe I’ll need a baby registry one day. I thought long and hard about declining the baby shower invitation, but in the end I decide to go because this is wonderful person, who has been extremely supportive to me through all my losses, and I am truly happy for her. I’m also not going to lie; I may need a glass of wine or two after I get home!

    Anyway, I completely rambled on and on. Mostly, I just wanted to say. Hang in there and don’t let others be hard on you or make you feel guilty for putting yourself first. The process of grieving is ever changing. Some days are easier than others. On the hard days try to be extra kind to yourself and to heck with what anyone else says! Sending up prayers for both of us that our own dreams of a family will come true.

    hugs

    • Thank you so much for your note and words of encouragement. You are so sweet for reaching out like that, I can’t thank you enough. Really. It’s funny, any words of advice or encouragement I get from the ‘fertile’ world I take with a grain of salt but the advice and encouragement I get from my friends here I really take in and appreciate. Thanks for filling me in on how you’ve been coping with these scenarios, it must not have been easy. I commend you for cutting off communication with the friend who betrayed you, to me there was no other way. That kind of hurt cuts to the bone. And I’m so glad to hear it got easier for you slowly. You have been through so much and you’re coping so well. I’m hoping it will get easier for me too. I’m starting to get some clarity as time passes. On everything. On my priorities. That clarity helps to make things a little less raw. Thank you so much for reaching out like that. I will be watching and crossing everything for you in this too…xx

  4. I just found your blog yesterday, read one post, and I’m already hooked. You say so clearly what I want to say but just can’t find the words. That alone makes me feel better. So thank you for writing your blog, and thank you for following mine. I’m so, SO sorry for what you are having to endure. I just read your diagnoses & treatment plan page, and my heart just sank. I cannot believe what you are having to go through, and I honestly don’t know how you find the strength to tackle it every day. I’m kind of in awe of you. I will be praying for you and thinking of you. Lots of love.

    • Thanks so much for your lovely note. I’m so sorry that you can identify with this process too, it’s so tough. Honestly, I don’t know how I find the strength to endure this. How any of us do. Most days I feel like I don’t have it in me to keep going like this. Every day is a struggle. Infertility and loss has changed me. Thanks for your kind words and support, and I look forward to reading your upcoming posts. xx

  5. Thank you for your bravery, honesty, and willingness to share. I, too, find strength in not only writing my own blog, but also in reading others’ experiences. Pregnancy loss can be such a lonesome place, yet it doesn’t have to be. I look forward to reading future posts. Best wishes for some positivity in your journey.

  6. I love sweet peas…the gorgeous and wild elegance of them. The resilience they seem to have even in the most rough of terrain. Knowing these qualities, this is an amazing name for your journey. I hope and pray that those attributes will be the very same to help you in all of your journey. You are truly incredible.

  7. I just made my way to your blog today and I just had to stop reading to say CONGRATS! Obviously, we know all to well that what can start out as good news, can turn out to be very difficult, but that is no reason to not celebrate the time that you have with this little miracle. You have every right to be excited and also anxious. I’m hoping that you will have some sort of peace as you continue in your pregnancy.

    Also, thank you. Thank you for sharing your story. I hate that this is now a way that I can connect with other women, but it is our reality.

    You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. Congrats again!!!! So exciting! 🙂

  8. Best wishes with your journey..Having had two miscarriages and still trying for our first baby, I appreciate what you are going through. Sending hugs and hope from Australia and congratulations on your recent news!
    L x

  9. Thank you for sharing. I too have had 6 losses since this journey began for my husband & I in late 2011. It’s an indescribable pain, sadness & devastation that most people don’t understand(some try)& that I would not wish on anyone.

    • Oh you poor thing. That sounds so similar to our story. I hate to hear that. It’s so isolating and horrible but it is comforting to know there are some people out the who get it. Sending hugs xx

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