Officially due

I can’t believe we’ve made it this far but today is Nacho’s due date.

So many emotions have been flooding my brain these last few weeks when I think about our journey to get here. It is mind-boggling to me that we are nearly there. I am just so overwhelmed with gratitude.

From endless losses, to twice weekly scans to check on his progress to being told to prepare for a preterm birth to 273 consecutive daily clexane injections to the craziness with DH, so much has happened, there’s so much to reflect upon.

But I’m trying only to focus on the future right now. I already feel like Nacho is a wise soul. His calm, lovely demeanour has kept me from losing it more than once. I just know he is going to teach me as much as I can hopefully teach him.

My body has been giving signals that things could be starting soon. I have had one long braxton hick for about 3 days. Nacho feels so heavy and low, I can feel every little movement now very clearly. He’s engaged and in a great position so hopefully things will kick off soon.

Being on mat leave is weird but wonderful. My days are filled with cleaning, cooking, preparation, practicing hypnobirthing and nice long naps. A once in a lifetime opportunity! It’s like waiting for the Queen to visit for tea. My house has never been so clean or organised!

Hiring a doula has been one of the best decisions I could have made. She has been so supportive and kind and has guided me so well through the process already, I feel prepared for all possibilities. Much of the anxiety I’ve been bottling up throughout the whole pregnancy has been slowly drained, leaving me with a clear, positive headspace. I never thought I could get here like this.

And now we wait. I say we because yes DH is in the picture. This deserves a post on its own but suffice it to say that as flawed as he is, he is now taking the idea of becoming a dad very seriously. And I have to say I am glad. Ultimately I want him in our lives and I’m relieved that DH seems to want that too. Baby steps but we are getting somewhere. More on this later.

In the meantime thank you again for your incredible support. I feel so blessed to have you guys cheering us on.

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Full term!

Thank you to you all for your support from my last post. I want to respond to you each individually and will be doing that in the coming days. I also plan to update on what things are like now at home but this post is purely Nacho related. Because I’m getting excited. I wanted to get some of it out.

I am now full term (how can that be?!) and on maternity leave after about three weeks of modified bedrest and working from home. Turns out my body was eager to get the show on the road. I had been showing all the signs of preterm labour. Too early. With my history of a weak cervix and not actually ever getting a stitch they didn’t want to take any chances so the advice was to stay off my feet until full term to see if they stopped. They did. With all the chaos going on I was doing too much, I see that now.

I last saw Nacho on Friday for his last scan. At the time he was over 6lbs of cuteness. Not much to see except squished baby parts but it is always a relief to hear he is healthy and normal.

Apart from developing anaemia and the prelabour craziness Nacho’s presence has been very reassuring. He’s kicking like a fiend, but sleeps when I sleep through the night which has been a blessing. His 3-4x a day hiccups are the cutest thing I could ever imagine, reminding me actually is a real baby in there. I get very regular cervical twinges or “fanny daggers” as a friend has been referring to them reminding me things are definitely happening down there and at my last midwife appointment it was confirmed he’s engaged. He could come anytime.

I’m not really ready mentally but I am getting there physically. Ordered what he needs day one, with a few things left to sort out. Ticking things off the list has been more cathartic than I thought. I practice hypnobirthing everyday. I see my doula regularly and she has been a lifesaver to help me through the anxiety. She’s got the perfect blend of medical (as an ex supervisor midwife) and mind-body knowledge (as a hypnotherapist) to make me feel like I’m in a very safe and comforting pair of hands.

I reluctantly went to a series of NCT antenatal classes which quickly became invaluable for the shared knowledge, relationships and advice. I feel like I have a handle on things now. I’m getting there anyway.

Nacho is a constant source of strength for me, and I can’t wait to be there for him. But until then I look forward to spending the coming days/weeks savouring how close we are to each other. I talk to him constantly, narrating our daily adventures, taking naps together, enjoying the sunshine and warm weather. Washing his clothes even fills my eyes with tears. Everything is so emotional right now. I just can’t wait to meet this little guy.